DIY: How To Tease a Squirrel

If there were an awards show for Kitty Cable (maybe next year), right now we'd give the highest honors to Tinkerbell and his talent for pissing off squirrels.  This week he raised the bar for combining catitude, elegance, intelligence, and snark with just the right amount of mean thrown in for good measure.

Let's back up and start at the beginning.  You should know that our Mom believes in feeding everyone.  We were a little surprised to find that included feeding the birds, but then we decided that she was just being cool in a Hansel and Gretel type of way and fattening them up.  We're okay with that, but when she started feeding the squirrels we wondered why she'd want to waste good seeds on those damned rats.  Then we started watching the Squirrelapallooza that resulted from her hanging a basket with a seed brick in it over by one of the trees where the squirrels hang out.  The next morning there were 8 squirrels in our yard acting like it was shrimp night at the all you can eat buffet!  They can't carry off the seed, but they can reach inside the cage wires and break off pieces of it, so there were squirrels having picnics all over the backyard.  It was quite an event and Mom enjoyed watching them be all silly and squirrely.  She was laughing and that's worth the cost of some birdseed!  Anyway, the birds have their own feeder that's squirrel proof, but Mom makes sure that the squirrels get their snacks too so everyone is happy.

Of course, Tinkerbell, our friend from next door, thinks that the yard full of squirrels is an epic opportunity to screw with those furry little bastards and all we can say is that we SO envy his fun and games with them.   Tinkerbell's humans make him wear a collar with tags on it that jingle and that's so unfair because the squirrels can hear him coming and he doesn't get to stalk them in proper cat fashion.  When he tried stalking a squirrel that was having lunch under the seed cage, that squirrel whirled around and just as Tinkerbell coiled up his muscles and sprang into the air, the squirrel ran past him and right up the side of a tree!  Tinkerbell had a few choice words to chatter at the squirrel from his position on the ground under the tree and that squirrel had the gall to laugh at him.   Well, no feline with any self respect will stand for that so Tinkerbell summoned up every ounce of his dignity and slowly turned to walk back to the seed cage........where he calmly turned around and sat down.  The look he gave the squirrel very clearly said, "Now what are you going to do?" and that was one seriously pissed off squirrel!

Oh, well played Mr. Tinkerbell!  Well played indeed!  We were watching all this from inside and giving two paws up to Tinkerbell for such perfect feline bitchiness as to sit down in the exact spot where that squirrel wanted to be.  In fact, there wasn't any other place in the whole wide world where that squirrel wanted to be except under that feeder sucking up seeds and corn and he was letting the world know about it!  He called Tinkerbell some names that would make an old cat blush, but Tink just sat there washing one paw and acting like he had nothing better to do than hang out there all day and half the night.   We thought that squirrel was going to have a little heart attack right there on the spot!  Oh my goodness, but that was the most pissed off squirrel we've ever seen.  He'd hang on the side of the tree and scream at Tink for awhile, then he'd gather up his courage and try to take a run at Tinkerbell...........only to squeak and retreat every time Tink raised his paw. After the squirrel had reached a frenzy of screaming that was becoming a little annoying, Tinkerbell decided to call the game and walked away with the kind of smug swagger that only a tomcat can work.

Mom and her BFF were sitting on the patio watching all this and we have to give them a few catitude points for being so amused by it, but all the kudos and applause goes to Tinkerbell for some of the classiest squirrel tormenting that we've seen in a long time.  That was truly an art form and we'll always consider ourselves fortunate to have seen a Master at work like that.

Hugs and purrs,

Frankie and Deano

Fledgling Review

Good morning fabulous feline friends!  Come and share a little waking up music with us while we crank up our favorite song.  Hit it Bob!!  

*tossing furry birds up in the air and dancing happily*  Now isn't that the best way to start a day?  It's almost as good as finding real tuna in your dish.

We've been singing bird songs a lot here at Kitty Cable lately because it's fledgling season!   The first baby birds to arrive in the back yard were the baby robins.  Mr. Robin was sure pleased with himself when he brought them to the bird bath and showed them where to find the best worms out in the middle of the yard.  They were pretty shy and didn't want to come out from under the foliage by the fence line but we're fairly sure that there were at least three young ones. 

The next group was much, much larger and a whole lot noisier!!  Mom is usually sensitive to noise, but she was so happy to see the baby woodpeckers that she didn't care about all their yelling.  You see, she'd been sitting on the patio one day a couple weeks ago and saw those damned ravens flying around the dead tree next door where she thought the woodpeckers had nested.  Well, as we all know, if those ravens are around nothing small and defenseless will survive so Mom felt sad for days afterwards.  We didn't even see the grownup woodpeckers and thought that they must have moved on but then out of the blue sky came not one or even two woodpeckers...........but a total of *seven* of them!  There were the proud parents and five fledglings; three females and two males.   

To be perfectly specific, these are Red Shafted Northern Flickers which is a fancy name for a very beautiful type of woodpecker.  Here's a picture of one we found on the internet:

The prettiest part of these birds is the underside of their wings which look as if they'd been dyed in pastel shades of apricot and tangerine. This is what they look like from a cat's point of view:

 They're not much on singing, but they're fun to watch.  They're getting used to Mom now so they land right up close to the patio where she can see them.  The woodpeckers stay here almost all year round so Mom decided to get a really cool bird feeder so they can have a snack when they stop by for a bath.  We really have to give her credit as a producer for Kitty Cable because without her contributions of things like bird baths and feeders and flowers, there wouldn't be any entertaining birds to watch.   *snickering*  The bird feeder has proved to be pretty entertaining to the squirrels too but we'll talk about that later.  Today we're trying to stay focused on baby birds because there's more than just baby robins and woodpeckers on the Backyard Channel!  There's more going on out there than on Animal Planet!

The baby woodpeckers have shown up without their parents a couple of times since they were introduced to the Backyard so they're probably approaching adolescence since they can be dropped off at the playground for a couple of hours without getting into too much trouble.   We wish we could say the same thing for the gaggle of tweeny girl birds that showed up yesterday!

OMFG.  We were just lazing around yesterday morning waiting for the afternoon thunderstorms to add some interest to the day when the most gawd-awful racket kicked up in the Backyard.  First one, then two, then three half-grown female blue jays showed up.  

You really have to have experienced something like this to know what it's like to be around that many babbling and screeching little girls and the closest human comparison we could find on the internet was a reference to something called a "justin bieber" who gathers tweeny human girls in one place and lets them screech and scream.   Believe us, three tweeny female blue jays can make almost as much noise.  They never stop talking!  Mom was still happy to see them tho.  She knew that their nest was somewhere close by because their father often dropped in for a visit and once we saw him charge at a raven and chase it away.  We feel the same way about ravens but for the blue jay to attack it, he had to have a personal interest in making it leave.  Blue jays are pretty bold but those ravens are about three or four times his size.  We're going to give him two paws up for being brave but damn, we wish he'd taught those girls of his how to shut their beaks once in awhile!  

At least one squirrel shares our opinion about the blue jay sisters.  He was hanging out at the small brick bird feeder Mom keeps under the bushes for the finches.  The squirrels would like to eat it all at once or haul it away but Mom put it inside a cage where they can get bites but they have to share it with the birds.  Squirrels are greedy and don't share well so when the blue jay sisters showed up, that squirrel didn't even budge.  He looked a bit concerned and kept one eye out for them, but he didn't move an inch.  Well, after the girls had a bath, (which took awhile because they apparently like to gossip while they're bathing), they noticed that there was a squirrel hanging upside down from a cage that appeared to be filled with tasty snacks.  You'd think they'd never seen a food court before coz there was a lot of chattering and wing fluttering between them.  The boldest of the three tried to make her first swoop at a squirrel but since she's small it didn't go that well.  She tried to convince her sisters to help her and together the three might have chased him off but the other two girls weren't quite brave enough to try it yet.  We're sure that it won't be long before they have maximized their ability to piss off squirrels.  

As you can see, there's been a lot of activity going on in the Backyard since Mom installed the bird feeders but she was happiest this morning when she noticed the squirrel proof bird feeder swinging and a tiny flutter of leaves in the nearby sapling.  She got very still, just like a cat, and after a few minutes, a little bitty fluff of grey feathers darted out, pecked at the bird feeder and zipped back into the leaves quick as a flash!  Mom got a big smile on her face and when he did it again, she almost laughed out loud because it was a tiny grey house finch!  Finches are her favorite bird because they're so cute and happy and they get so excited about life that it sort of bubbles over and makes them all bouncy.  

Now we have robins and woodpeckers and blue jays and finches dropping in to visit regularly and since the bird feeders have been such a hit on the Backyard Channel, Mom said she'd install one in the Frontyard too and we'll have birds to watch even in the winter.   Yay!  We're going to celebrate by singing along with Bob one more time and then we're going to take a nap.

Hugs and purrs,

Frankie and Deano

PPV Event: Mean Ol' Bitch Cat vs Tinkerbell

Greetings hep cats and cool kitties!  We have an exciting PPV event to report on from the Backyard Channel this evening.  It's a good thing we're already wearing our tuxedos because this has been an epic sports event in the world of feline boxing.

In this corner, we have the Mean Ol' Bitch Cat that just moved in to the house on the corner.   At first we thought she was a pretty cat because she's a muted calico with a silver overcoat but we quickly learned that she's just a nasty, hateful cat with a horrid disposition.  It's simply unbecoming of a cat to act the way she does with all her temper tantrums and name calling!  We grew up in a tough neighborhood, but not even the street rats have manners as bad as this hissy bitch.  Since she moved in she's tried to start a fight with everyone from the squirrels to the yellow lab in the yard behind us.  Weighing in at 8 pounds, it's Miiiiiiiiiiiiisssssss Bitch Cat!  *hiss*boo*hiss*

And in this corner we have the crowd favorite, Tinkerbell from next door!  Tinkerbell and his brother Bobcat have been living there since Mom and Dad moved into this house eleven years ago so they're both senior cats but they can still jump the fence and they like to come hang out in our yard because there are no dogs or kids.   They're nice, peaceful cats who would rather sleep in a sunny corner of our patio than start a fight.  They visit us every day to stop and get a drink from the finch's birdbath.  If we're at the patio door when they come thru, we nod and then ignore each other like civilized cats.  Tinkerbell is a solid grey kitty and Bobcat is a white and calico mix with only half a tail.  We don't like to ask about what happened but we've heard about screen door accidents that cause that kind of thing and we feel kind of sorry for him.  But tonight, all the way from over the fence, weighing in at about 15 pounds, let's hear it for Tinkerbell!!!

*DING*

From over the fence we heard the sound of claws scrambling and saw Miss Bitch Cat come charging over the top of the fence around Tinkerbell and Bobcat's yard where she shouldn't be.  She jumped up on the patio and hissed when she saw Mom.  Mom called her a few choice names (apparently Mom has lived in some tough neighborhoods too), and shook her cane at Miss Bitch Cat; yelling at her to get off our patio.  MBC ran away around the spyria bush toward her yard.  Then we heard the jingle of Tinkerbell's collar as he jumped the fence and ran up onto the patio.  He nodded politely to Mom and sauntered off smug in the knowledge that he'd chased off the intruder.  Round One to Tinkerbell!

*DING*

Tinkerbell decided to take his usual after dinner walk across the yard to where he naps under the bushes by the back fence.  Just as he got even with the spyria bush, that nasty ol' Bitch Cat jumped out from behind it and boxed his ears!!!  She was hissing and growling and screaming so loud that it sounded like someone had thrown a screech owl into a blender.  Tinkerbell was surprised and while he managed to get up on his hind feet and throw a few punches, it was easy to see that this new cat in town had the advantages of surprise and youth on her side.  Round Two went to Miss Bitch Cat.

*DING*

As Round Three began, both cats were howling and slapping each other and things were about to get ugly for Tinkerbell when Mom decided that she'd had enough.  She calmly got up from her chair and walked ever so quietly to the back side of the spyria bush where the water faucet is at..........and gave it a quick turn to the left sending water spraying out of the sprinkler all over both cats!  She didn't see that Bitch Cat jump six feet in the air and run away all wet and pissed off, but we were happy to tell her that Round Three and the Title of Meanest Cat in the Neighborhood still belongs to Mom.  Yay Mom!

Tinkerbell was all worn out from that unexpected belly flop so he came back to the porch and laid down under Mom's chair for awhile.  Mom made sure he wasn't hurt and he hung around long enough to have another drink of water before he decided to call it an early night and go home.  

We didn't know that there would be exciting fight nights like this one on Kitty Cable, but it was worth getting out of bed to watch.  There was lots more excitement on the Backyard Channel today when Mrs Woodpecker brought all five of her babies to visit the birdbath for the first time but we'll report on that some other time.  Right now we're completely worn out from so much excitement and need a nap.  Until next time,

Frankie and Deano

Weather Channel

Pardon our stretching and yawning but we've been sleeping all day.  It's so hot outside that the only thing moving in the backyard are the wasps and even they look pissed about the whole thing.   But tonight there was something big happening outside!  When the first big boom came, it shook the whole house and sent Frankie running to find Mom.  She said it was a nighttime thunderstorm and that's what made all the bright purple and blue lights flash in the sky.  Mom likes thunderstorms no matter what time it is so she headed out to the patio to watch.  Deano likes to watch the lightening so he was glued to the patio door and there was so much lightening that his head looked like one of those bobblehead things that humans put on the dashboard of their car as he turned it this way and that to see more of the light show in the sky.  Frankie decided that it would be a good time to read that book he has hidden under the bed.

We're looking forward to when the sun turns back on in the morning because after a nice rain there will be lots of things going on in the backyard.  We saw a pair of doves yesterday morning and we're hoping that they'll move in close by.  It's fun to listen to them talk because the cooing sound is sort of mellow and sometimes we like mellow.  Mellow is good with white wine.

Today's music soundtrack has been Van Morrison because Mom's feeling mellow too.  Here's a little Tupelo Honey that will make you feel all mellow along with us.   All you have to do is curl up on your favorite soft thing, close your eyes, and just purr. 

Frankie and Deano

Kitty Cable: The Food Network

We like to talk about food a lot because it's one of our favorite things.   We start off every day with a balanced breakfast (we can tell it's balanced because there are equal amounts in both our dishes) and have bowls of cheerios (Mom says it's all natural dry cat food, but we're pretty sure that it's cheerios for cats) to nibble on all day.  That's a pretty mundane diet but the vet says that it's the best way to keep us healthy so our menu doesn't include lovely things like roast chicken or pheasant under glass.  Of course, in our early formative months, we had an entirely different menu that consisted mostly of things like bugs and whatever Deano could kill.

Deano is the hunter and while he tries to keep that a secret from Mom, we're pretty sure she's figured it out.  For one thing, she likes to watch birds and so do we.........but since Deano goes into a low crouch, fixes his steely eyes on the bird and licks his lips a lot, Mom has come to the conclusion that our bird watching is probably motivated by a different kind of love for birds.  

We're lucky to be on the migratory path for a lot of different birds so we see all kinds of feathered delicacies on all of the Kitty Cable channels.  Deano is the expert on birds and even helps Mom identify species that she's never seen before.   If she says, "I wonder what kind of bird that is?", Deano can helpfully reply either, "Appetizer", "Entree", or "I still think I can take it."   Since he's such an expert, we're going to let Deano do all the reviews for the Food Network.  Take it away Deano!

Okay, let's not waste time typing when we could be sleeping.  I'll start with the basic definitions for each feathery food group.

Appetizer--These are small birds like sparrows and finches.  We get all kinds of finches on the Kitty Cable channels.  There are the small grey house finches that aren't much more than a bundle of fluff.  Once you get past the feathers, there's only a mouthful or two of food.  Just slightly larger are the colored finches with red or yellow heads.  They taste about the same as grey finches, but their colorful plumage makes a nice addition to any festive holiday meal.  The third type of finch is the grey singing finch that's larger but still not as big as a sparrow.  They do have a lovely singing voice if you like a floor show with your meal.

Entree--Entrees are birds the size of robins and blue jays and woodpeckers.   The Backyard Channel has a deep birdbath so we see a lot of entrees there.  The robins spend the most time in it because Mrs. Robin loves to soak in the tub whenever she gets the chance.   That prompted Mom to put in two more birdbaths.....one medium sized one that the squirrels like to use and a very small one for the finches that doesn't get used by the finches because the cats from next door think it's a drinking fountain and apparently finches are fussy little birds that refuse to bathe in water that has a little bit of cat spit in it.  

I Still Think I Can Take It--Now these are the birds that will make enough dinner for you to alienate all your friends by refusing to share.   On Kitty Cable in Denver, we have birds like mexican ravens that have wing spans almost four feet across and the bird part is almost two feet tall!  Mom hates those ravens and says all kinds of bad things about their mothers because they are predators who eat baby birds and squirrels and they also chase off the song birds.   She gets a little crazy now and then and runs around the yard waving a broom in the air and yelling obscene things when they show up (an act that could bring back Vaudeville!) so it's doubtful that I'll ever get a chance at one, but I'm still pretty sure I could take one.  There was another flying thing that went over our house and cast a big shadow on the grass and fence.  I told Mom that it was an "I Still Think I Can Take It", but she said it's something called an airplane and none of its parts are edible.  Hmmpf.  I'd still like to have the thrill of the chase if I could!

Today's featured bird on KCFN is a magpie.  It's a new visitor to Kitty Cable and we were surprised by his visit this morning.  Since we could hear an answering call in the distance to his rather rough song, that could mean that he's looking for a place to raise a family.  Mom loved seeing a big bird like that close up, but she's not thrilled about them moving in.  Apparently those birds are just plain shit house crazy when they mate and will start attacking humans!  Still, even I have to admit that they are handsome birds in their own version of a tuxedo. For a bird, he's not bad looking.  I wonder if the fact that he has good taste means that he also tastes good?

Hugs and Purrs,

Deano

Welcome to Kitty Cable

Greetings Fellow Felines!  Welcome to Kitty Cable.  We're your hosts, Frankie and Deano.   Kitty Cable was created by our human to keep us entertained during the day and it's been such fun for everyone that we've taken to the internet to share our cable entertainment with other less fortunate cats.  Currently on Kitty Cable we have the Backyard Channel, the Front Yard Channel, the Garden Channel, Mom's Music Stations, and the Food Network.   Depending on the day, we feature things like Squirrelapallozza, The Robin Show, Hedgerow Rabbits,  Fox on the Run, and Bad Ass Blue Jays (whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do when they come for you).   We don't have a video feed for any of our programs since they're all live and purely unscripted reality shows, but we'll take over the laptop to give semi-regular reports of what's been going on.  

Kitty Cable was developed in 2011 when we first came to live with our new humans, Bruce and Deb. We live in Denver but we were born way over on the other side of the city.   It wasn't a very friendly place for cats with all the concrete and cars and people.  We lived with our cat-mom inside a concrete drainage pipe that wasn't even big enough to stand up in.  A very special lady named Pat rescues cats from the street and when she found us, she took us in, made sure that we went to the vet to get well, and then she worked hard to find a forever home for us.  Deb and Bruce became our humans when we were only six months old and our new house has a big yard that isn't far from a lake so there are all kinds of wildlife right in our yard where we can watch them.   We were pretty rowdy and missed being outside, so our new Mom and Dad started putting bookcases under windows to make special places where we could sit and watch different parts of outside whenever we wanted to.  That's how Kitty Cable was born.

We'll get to the show reviews soon, but first we'd like to tell you a little bit more about us because if we didn't we wouldn't be very good narcissists and believe us, we are VERY good at being narcissistic.   We're both very handsome tuxedo cats; always in our formal wear for every occasion.  Most people think that we're identical twins and it's true that we're equally handsome but there are slight differences between us.  Frankie has longer hair and a more lithe build.  Deano has shorter fur like a teddy bear and is more muscular.  However, if we're galloping down the hallway at full speed, it's very hard to tell us apart.

Aren't we amazingly handsome?  That's Frankie on the left and Deano on the right.  Those of you in the same general age as our Mom will understand why she named us Frankie and Deano because we're half a Rat Pack all on our own!  In our tuxedos, we do have a resemblance to those two handsome crooners of days gone by......and we're just as likely to get into trouble.  Frankie is the joker but he prefers the term "mischievous event coordinator".  Deano is a suave and debonair kind of kitty who is unfortunately prone to simply falling over when the urge for a tummy rub overtakes him.  He's in a twelve step program for that but it's not working out real well so far.  He's just a sucker for a good tummy rub.

But that's enough about us for now.  We're excited to get started on our new job of reporting what's new on Kitty Cable.  There's so much to talk about that we'll jump in paws first right after we have a tasty snack and a long nap.  Until then, we'll leave you with a clip of two of the most handsome, charming, funny, and talented humans ever.  Ladies and Gentlemen, we give you Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin.

Hugs and Purrs,

Frankie and Deano