PPV Event: Mean Ol' Bitch Cat vs Tinkerbell

Greetings hep cats and cool kitties!  We have an exciting PPV event to report on from the Backyard Channel this evening.  It's a good thing we're already wearing our tuxedos because this has been an epic sports event in the world of feline boxing.

In this corner, we have the Mean Ol' Bitch Cat that just moved in to the house on the corner.   At first we thought she was a pretty cat because she's a muted calico with a silver overcoat but we quickly learned that she's just a nasty, hateful cat with a horrid disposition.  It's simply unbecoming of a cat to act the way she does with all her temper tantrums and name calling!  We grew up in a tough neighborhood, but not even the street rats have manners as bad as this hissy bitch.  Since she moved in she's tried to start a fight with everyone from the squirrels to the yellow lab in the yard behind us.  Weighing in at 8 pounds, it's Miiiiiiiiiiiiisssssss Bitch Cat!  *hiss*boo*hiss*

And in this corner we have the crowd favorite, Tinkerbell from next door!  Tinkerbell and his brother Bobcat have been living there since Mom and Dad moved into this house eleven years ago so they're both senior cats but they can still jump the fence and they like to come hang out in our yard because there are no dogs or kids.   They're nice, peaceful cats who would rather sleep in a sunny corner of our patio than start a fight.  They visit us every day to stop and get a drink from the finch's birdbath.  If we're at the patio door when they come thru, we nod and then ignore each other like civilized cats.  Tinkerbell is a solid grey kitty and Bobcat is a white and calico mix with only half a tail.  We don't like to ask about what happened but we've heard about screen door accidents that cause that kind of thing and we feel kind of sorry for him.  But tonight, all the way from over the fence, weighing in at about 15 pounds, let's hear it for Tinkerbell!!!

*DING*

From over the fence we heard the sound of claws scrambling and saw Miss Bitch Cat come charging over the top of the fence around Tinkerbell and Bobcat's yard where she shouldn't be.  She jumped up on the patio and hissed when she saw Mom.  Mom called her a few choice names (apparently Mom has lived in some tough neighborhoods too), and shook her cane at Miss Bitch Cat; yelling at her to get off our patio.  MBC ran away around the spyria bush toward her yard.  Then we heard the jingle of Tinkerbell's collar as he jumped the fence and ran up onto the patio.  He nodded politely to Mom and sauntered off smug in the knowledge that he'd chased off the intruder.  Round One to Tinkerbell!

*DING*

Tinkerbell decided to take his usual after dinner walk across the yard to where he naps under the bushes by the back fence.  Just as he got even with the spyria bush, that nasty ol' Bitch Cat jumped out from behind it and boxed his ears!!!  She was hissing and growling and screaming so loud that it sounded like someone had thrown a screech owl into a blender.  Tinkerbell was surprised and while he managed to get up on his hind feet and throw a few punches, it was easy to see that this new cat in town had the advantages of surprise and youth on her side.  Round Two went to Miss Bitch Cat.

*DING*

As Round Three began, both cats were howling and slapping each other and things were about to get ugly for Tinkerbell when Mom decided that she'd had enough.  She calmly got up from her chair and walked ever so quietly to the back side of the spyria bush where the water faucet is at..........and gave it a quick turn to the left sending water spraying out of the sprinkler all over both cats!  She didn't see that Bitch Cat jump six feet in the air and run away all wet and pissed off, but we were happy to tell her that Round Three and the Title of Meanest Cat in the Neighborhood still belongs to Mom.  Yay Mom!

Tinkerbell was all worn out from that unexpected belly flop so he came back to the porch and laid down under Mom's chair for awhile.  Mom made sure he wasn't hurt and he hung around long enough to have another drink of water before he decided to call it an early night and go home.  

We didn't know that there would be exciting fight nights like this one on Kitty Cable, but it was worth getting out of bed to watch.  There was lots more excitement on the Backyard Channel today when Mrs Woodpecker brought all five of her babies to visit the birdbath for the first time but we'll report on that some other time.  Right now we're completely worn out from so much excitement and need a nap.  Until next time,

Frankie and Deano